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Today is Valentine's Day. SO WHAT?! WHO CARES?! NOW ME! Who's your valentine THIS year?? NOBODY! Is it SUSIE?? NO! I'll bet she IS! I'll be your heart beats faster at the sound of her name! Ahh, how you long to gaze deep into her shimmering eyes!! WHAT?! Your cheeks are flushed! Your chin quivers to imagine her soft, warm lips pressed against yours! Oh, to be locked for an eternity in a passionate embrace with sweet, sweet Susie! TAKE IT BACK! Can I be 'Best Tiger'? TAKE IT BACK! Have you picked out a ring yet? TAKE IT BACK! Where's the honeymoon? Hey, Calvin! Huh?? You jerk! This is for sending me a Valentine card with a drawing of me as a worm-eaten corpse! Oh HO-O-O! You sent her a CARD?? Doctor Love, paging Doctor I.M.N. Love! I'd say were about due for another Saint Valentine's Day massacre. A dinosaur poem. The great tyrannosaur lived many years ago, and he epitomized the concept of the killer carnivore. The monster came to town this morning. He lunged into the crowd, and people ran screaming. They tried to get away. People were trampled. Two boys dawdled by the candy shop and were devoured. A camera crew arrived to give a live report. They failed, because they did not live. The menace ate his fill and stomped away.
Calvin walks behind Mom's chair, growling and snarling while walking like a dinosaur. The poem ends that no one knows where the next tyrannosaur will be found....except Calvin.